moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
