well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
