i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
