Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
