I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
