Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize