There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
