You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
