theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
