I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
