I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
