Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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