Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
