thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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