we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
