hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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