arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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