Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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