were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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