would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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