I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
