Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
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