I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
it's great music for shaving your balls
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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