There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
should my penis look like a turkey
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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