Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
