you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
