dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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