the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The air taste purple.
Randomize
