she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
