I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
