I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
