weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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