my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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