We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
