is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
