420 ftw
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
