Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
