Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
