He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
