I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
