I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
