i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Please don't give away my fajitas
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
