She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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