We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
