my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
