paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
