this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
