I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
