Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
