i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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