Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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