atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
