Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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