I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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