This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
