At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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