I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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