either way he was missing a nipple.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The struggles of a small town man whore
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
