If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
