wakey wakey hands off snakey
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
