my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
