Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
