My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
