We had to coat check the pizza.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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