Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
