If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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