I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
