I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
