i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
