I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
